My sugar bear is home, safe and healthy. I want so bad to be overjoyed - but I'm actually feeling very humbled and sobered. As I walked around that hospital, I saw so many children who are not leaving healthy, so many who obviously have cancer or severe injuries, so many little bitty babies. I feel bad about saying, "Yeah - God answered our prayers!" Didn't all those families pray the same prayers? When my cousin died of a brain tumor when he was 11, it certainly wasn't after a lack of prayer. When so many of my friends have faced challenges and deaths of their children - it wasn't for lack of prayer then. Now - for fear of starting a very slippery slope - I FIRMLY believe God calls us to "pray without ceasing", and "the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective", and that God tells the elders to come annoint with oil and pray - which we did. Our wonderful elders annointed Kensey with oil and prayed over her in the ER. I think what I'm trying to say is that I don't deserve for my daughter to be leaving healthy! I don't deserve to be home safe and sound. I am absolutely not any more righteous than any of the other mothers who are still sitting at the children's hospital! I am so thankful and feel so unworthy of God's faithfulness to my family. My heart breaks for every mother who is fearing for the life of their child! Would I still sing the Lord's praises if the outcome were different? If they found something horrible in Kensey's brain, would I praise the Lord? Would I still acknowledge that God is good despite my circumstances? I want to be able to say yes. I want to be able to claim that God is good no matter what, even when His answers to my prayers are not the answers I asked for. I can almost guarantee Mary, the mother of Jesus, prayed for her son's deliverance! We know Jesus prayed that "this cup" could pass from him. I'm confident He was a "righteous man" and that His prayers were powerful and effective! I guess what I'm trying to vocalize is:
"Thank you my Lord, for taking care of my Kensey this week. We committed her to you when she was born, and she is still Yours to use as You need in Your plan! May her life bring You glory and draw people to YOUR name!! Thank you for allowing her to stay in my arms a little longer! Thank you for the outpouring of love and prayers from the wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ You have allowed us to do life with!"
You Have Arrived.
4 months ago